How Motherhood Changed Me, Part II

More things I have noticed since Part I.

Caring less about what others think. I'm not sure if this is something that came with becoming a mother, or if it is something that happens when you hit 30. I really do care less about what other people think of me. I remember when I used to go out before I had kids, and I felt people would notice every little thing about me. If someone was staring at my shoes, my hair - what were they thinking and were they judging me? Well, now I am pretty sure I am looked at much more with two spirited kids and am probably judged on exactly how I am raising them (i.e. - raising them WRONG!). In any case, I don't care. And I could care less about what others think about me personally. My focus is my kids and my family, and how happy they make me. I wonder why this bothered me so much before, cause I certainly don't give a damn anymore.

Less TV. I think about just how much television I watched before kids, and it completely shocks me. I was an addict, to say the least. I needed to watch everything it seemed. And then on the weekends, I would watch re-runs of episodes I'd seen 10 times already. Talk about a waste of time. I think about all that time I could have been doing something else, and I am mad that I lost it, mad that I let myself do that. These days there is no time for television, and what we watch is more animated than not. I only watch one show consistently, one I must see. That's it. I thought it would bug me and feel like I must be missing something great, but it doesn't. Every now and then I watch something random when the girls go to bed. It's so weird. I never thought I would be like this.

Shopping for others. Not much to this one, but whenever I have some free time to go out and shop to get myself some new things, it's never for me. The girls make out more than I do. They now have more clothes than me. EACH! Less for me, more for them.

Endless cleaning. I like things clean. It's just not that way anymore because I honestly cannot keep up with it. A clean house turns into a disaster in about 20 minutes. I'm not sure why I bother so much anymore. And the laundry? Oh my gosh, the laundry! It really is neverending. As soon as I think it's all done, there's another load ready to go...four people's clothes is a lot of work. I was trying to calculate how much laundry I did one weekend, and it was about 10 loads that had accumulated from one week. That's crazy. It will be so nice when the girls can help out a little in the cleaning department. I spend way too much time doing that.

Time alone? Sometimes we get that. But, forget going to the bathroom alone. I haven't been able to do that in a good two years. Or get popped in on when I'm in the shower. I'm followed around all the time, so the time I do get to myself I try to make the most of (like today, finishing taxes - uh yeah, that wasn't so much fun).

Acceptance. Ok, so first I felt it was my fault, that because I had kids a lot of my relationships took a back seat. I've gone through all the stages of feelings on that. I've had such a hard time with it, as I am sure people who have been reading this blog for a while have read. I'm accepting it. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I've tried, and well, I'm done trying. I've accepted it because I've realized that I can't change anyone or try to keep explaining that I still care about you, but please make an effort, too. I've accepted it all and it's done. When these people have kids, I hope they will understand and that we can try to become close again. Until then, I'm accepting that there are certain people in my life I will always be close with no matter what, and they are the one's that are still there, and I love them for that (M, D, S, L, J, J, P, K).

Stay tuned for Part III, sure to come in just a few months...