That was today.
My workplace is pretty flexible as far as when people come into the office. There are people who do not get there until 10:30 or so. I'm only in my third week, and I've been showing up between 9 and 9:30, only today I had an "optional" meeting to attend at 9. I still want to make a good impression, so instead of taking my time getting the girls ready, I was rushing around a bit in order to make it to that meeting.
I got them out and into the car with no issues other than both of them deciding they wanted to do #2 right before heading out. That's a five minute delay. As we pull up to daycare, I am thinking we are ahead of schedule. Generally, I pull Livey out of the car first, but today I took Bea out first...not too sure why. She was happy as a clam and giving me hugs. I pull the minivan door and slide it closed. It closes. I start to walk away from the van with Bea in my arms, only I am tugged back. As I look, I cannot believe what I am seeing. Fingers are caught in the door. I'm horrified.
I instantly open the door and grab her hand. She's frozen. And she is staring at her hand. Then she starts to scream. I'm trying to be calm but I know I'm not. I'm asking her if she is ok and to let me see her hand. The top of two of her knuckles have turned purple and one has scraped skin near the bottom of her nail. The inside of her hand has a skin scrape as well. My eyes well up with tears. She is crying, and she has tears, which means that all is not well. I sit down on the sidewalk with her and hold her for a few minutes as she collapses in my arms. Then, when she is calmed down, I start moving her fingers around, because I think if it hurt or was broken that she would cry or tell me that it hurt. She didn't do anything but start saying how the car hit her. I was thinking that I wanted to say it wasn't entirely the cars fault, but I didn't. I then asked her if she would pick up one of her toys using that hand, and she did. She seemed fine. Only I wasn't.
You go through life attempting to protect your children from bad things happening to them. You protect them with all your might. You never want to see them hurt. Ever. There are a lot of things that are preventable. This was one of them. What did I do?
I cannot even describe the guilt I felt. It was with me all day. I was scared to tell Josh what happened, afraid that he might get mad because I could have prevented it from happening. He reassured me that everything was fine, and that he was pretty sure that Bea being the type of person she is, probably went about her entire day and forgot about it entirely. I wish I had, but I just couldn't.
When I got home and saw her, I grabbed her and hugged her. Then I looked at her hand, which looked almost completely fine. I asked her if she had owies, and she said "doctors" and "shot" as she tells us this story about 10 times every day. She had forgotten. I don't think I ever will...
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The Day that I was a Bad Mother
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4 comments:
That's rough. I think you have to tell yourself that these things happen though. And she doesn't hate you for it. I would feel guilt as well. Though it's nowhere near this situation, but I have accidently slammed the car door twice now on my barn cat's tail. Once she didn't show her face for two days. Just remember, accidents happen to everyone. :)
Oh don't feel so bad. Bea is ok and that's all that matters. When I was 6 months old I fell off the dressing table and broke a leg. My mom was so upset, not about the broken leg, but about how my dad would react. And of course he was mad, but more scared than anything else. Accadents happen. That's life. Legs, ankles, fingers in doors, we all get hurt now and then. Don't call yourself a bad mom. Your the best mom I know.
Oh I totally feel your pain. I once ran inside the house and hit Lucas with the door. He had a huge goose egg on his head. I thought I would die with the guilt. I agree with the other posters accidents happen. I see it all the time working at the hospital. If x-rayed kids where the parent is crying more then the baby becuase of the guilt. Broken bones, goose eggs, car fingers in doors. I could say don't feel bad, but I totally get that you would.
Jenn
Okay, Jenna! This will make you feel better. Grandma Brown told me about this along time ago. Your Great Aunt Mimi once was taking her groceries out of the car trunk and closed it on her boob...Yes this is a true story anf if Aunt mimi foundout I said anything she would be very embarassed.
Mom
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