Building on my last post about the weekend, I was thinking about something yesterday. This last weekend was the first time in a few weeks where we had the girls for the entire weekend. I didn't have a moment away from them. When I ran an errand, I brought one with me. I am enjoying my time so much more with them these days and it was nice to always have one or both of them around.
So, yesterday, when I dropped the girls off at daycare, I felt very sad. I wanted to stay home with them. I stayed at daycare for a few minutes saying goodbye. When I left, I was sad. I started wondering if I could provide better care for them at home. Could I stay home? Do I want to stay home? I enjoy having my own career, outside of my mom world...something that is mine and mine alone, even though it can bring frustration and stress at times. I wish there was some way that I could work 2 to 3 days a week and then stay home with them the rest of the time.
With time going by so fast, I feel like I am missing so much sometimes. Some mornings I look at Bea and I wonder when it was that she got so big. Same with Olivia. She was just born, wasn't she? How can seven months go by that fast? Each day brings something new with both of them, so I get sad thinking about these "firsts" actually happening when I’m not around. I guess that having them around constantly during the weekend, even though for only two days, felt like a big change come Monday morning when I am separated from them for nine hours.
I carried those girls in me for nine months. I spent time at home with them as newborns. I went back to work, and sure I missed them, but not like this.
Why is it that I now have separation anxiety so badly that I want to leave work and go pick them up right this instant?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Separation Anxiety
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2 comments:
You found your happiness in your children. We try to tell ourselves that a career will fulfill us, but in reality, it's a desk and a computer that never say hello or I love you.
Jenna,
I read your post yesterday and have been thinking about it alot today. I do have the joy of working 3 days a week and I get 4 days with my boy. Sometimes I wish I only worked 2 days a week, but I never wish I worked more. Honestly I think it is something that most mom's go through. Even if we are at home full time wondering if we should go back to work. It's hard to find what works best for any family. That being said I think if you can afford and it will make you happy, stay home. Your kids will only be young once, and like Dian said, you'll never get the same recogniztion from a job then you get from the people you love. I don't think I could stay home full time. I loved having my year maternity leave but am happy that both Lucas and I get to spread our wings. Good Luck, but know that every mother has the same thoughts you do. It's so normal.
Jenn
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