The Reason

Our BBQ was this last weekend, and while we were excited to have people over, I feared:

No one would show up
A lot of people would flake

One of my fears did come true. A lot of people flaked at the last minute, which is fine, because I don't like large crowds anyhow and was kind of freaking out at how many people might be at our house and said they would be. I guess what I was, and still am, bummed out about is that Bea and Olivia were the only children. I was looking forward to at least have someone play with Bea. I was sad. Still am. Why do I feel like I am competing to be among a popular crowd, if that is what it is? Who cares, right? I wish I didn't. I guess there were a lot of people that I wanted to see that were unable to make it. This is why I never do anything like this. I don't plan to do it again anytime soon.

I hate all the anticipation, all the cleaning, everything that leads up to throwing a party. I enjoyed having the people there that did come, don't get me wrong. It was a lot of fun, and some of the girls stayed and hung out, had drinks, made smores, helped clean up. It was nice to catch up with people and not have my eyes and ears focused completely on the girls because there were others around.

I originally planned to throw Bea a party for her second birthday. Now I am debating...It's a tough call. She's outgoing, and it would be good for her so I shouldn't let my fears and reasons get in the way. It's just hard not to.