Deeply Hurt

One of my good friends recently had a baby, and I have been dreaming up impossible fantasies that her and I will become very close because our daughters are only 4 1/2 months apart. I know that she was going through a rough time after the birth. And I, knowing that it is a difficult time and adjustment for almost every new mother, have offered to help or visit or just listen, if necessary.

My offer has never been taken up on, which I can understand because as a new mom I felt the same way, too. You want to do everything right but feel as if everyone will judge you as doing everything wrong. I am definitely not one to judge on mothering, as I attempt to just make it work how I can, no matter what the situation. People can judge all they want, but until they have walked a day in my shoes, they really shouldn't judge. I know I've written a previous post about some of the things we have done as parents that some would not agree with, which I think are considered pretty mild. Anyway, this friend is a perfectionist, in a good way of course, wanting to everything right and I am sure, by the book. I think she would easily feel judged.

Every baby is different...some cry a lot while others just want to sleep a lot. Some love car rides and go to sleep immediately while it makes others cranky and just want to cry. Some nap for hours on end while others take 5 minute power naps all day long. From what it sounded like, hers is a crier and and she hasn't had a moment to herself in two months. This is why I continue to offer. I try to be a good friend because at times it feels as if I don't have any.

It originally sounded to me like she was nervous to go anywhere, but this was a few weeks ago. So, I offered to come to her. I emailed her. I called her. I never talked to her. Today I got a note from her which literally made me cry, stating that September was a very busy month, and that they will mostly be at their other home October through January because it is hunting season and her husband likes to hunt. There were really no "Jenna visiting" openings until January, and that is yet to be determined. Why has this made me so sad?

I guess I wonder about a few things. Is it because she is not ready for visitors and just doesn't want to tell me that? But, why would she tell me it is so hard and now they are going places? Does she not want me as a friend anymore? I guess I need to step back.

It's just so very hard for me because when I became a mom I thought I lost a lot of friends. And now that I know more people having babies, I have felt like our lives are now more similar than ever and it would be easier to get together. We're on the same plane - finally. But, I feel this situation is the opposite and just wonder if it is me. Have I done something? Why am I questioning it so much. I love this friend, and I don't want to lose her.

I think it would be so fun for my girls to be friends with my friends kids. I feel as though I am living the impossible dream.