To Each Their Own

I've had my first run in with an opinionated mother who tried to force her views on me and it wasn't pretty.

I can remember being pregnant and the question always coming up from people - are you going to bottlefeed or breastfeed? This matters a lot to some people, and others not so much. Everyone has their own views in their choice, me included. I would NEVER ask a mother what her plan was for feeding her baby because, personally, I believe it is a choice for the mother of that child to make and no one elses. A person has reasons for doing what they are doing. Wouldn't you feel horrible asking a mother that question when she relies on certain medications just to get through the day because of deep depression, and maybe that is the reason that she won't be able to breastfeed her child? That's not me, but I know people who couldn't breastfeed because of this and wouldn't you feel awful if she told you this? It's ok if my personal circle of friends ask me, but people I didn't know well or were completely random of the street asked me this, and I wanted to scream at times. Don't get me started on those people who would come up and touch my stomach...

Well, I thought those types of things might end after the pregnancy is over. But, last night I found a new dangerous place: the park. Who would have thought? Josh and I took the girls there yesterday evening before dinner, and there were a few others there. One was an older mother (probably about ten years older than me) with her 5 year old and probably 10 year old.

She only started talking to me after I yelled after Bea to not throw sand on her child. She then told me what a lovely name my daughter had and that both girls were absolutely beautiful. I thanked her. Then the interrogation began...

How old are they?

Oh, you must be really tired? How's that going for you with them so close in age?

These weren't bad, I admit....Then:

So, you stay at home with them, right?
(No. I work.)

Oh, does your husband work, too?
(Yes.)

So, what do you do?
(I work in PR.)

And your husband?
(He's an engineer.)

And why is it that you don't stay at home with them - surely he makes enough money to support all of you?
(I like having my career AND being a mom.)

But you should stay home with them. I believe that every mother should be at home with their children. You're the biggest influence on them. Can't you work it out so that you can stay home with them?
(Not right now. I might eventually work part-time.)

But you can't work it out right now?
(Um, no.)

Well, you can move to a smaller house.
(OK, lady - I did not say this, but was thinking "HAVE YOU SEEN MY HOUSE? SHOULD WE MOVE INTO A CARDBOARD BOX? IS THAT YOUR SUGGESTION???")
(My real response was "No, that's not possible.")

Well, I just don't see how you can't work it out.
(Well, you never know.)

I hope that you do...these children need for you to be there for them.
(Ok, I gotta run, my kids are ready to go home for dinner.)

I used my most polite self during this whole conversation. Inside I was railing. When I met up with Josh I asked him if he spoke to that woman and he didn't. Then I told him what happened. He couldn't believe it, or that I remained that calm. Normally I wouldn't be (remember my story about the emergency room?). Sorry, but mom-fights in front of their children is not the thing for me. I couldn't stop thinking about it for a long time.

So, don't get me wrong, and if you have been reading my blog then you will know that I am not a stay at home mom. I would like to stay at home part time if I could, but right now it's not possible with "this" career that I have. However, I truly believe that it takes a certain kind of person to stay home with their children - a strong one - it's the hardest job in the world and totally commendable in my opinion. I admire those people so incredibly much. I think no less of those that stay at home or those that decide to also work outside the home. As long as you are there for your children and spend time with them, nurture them, love them, etc., then that should make you a great mom. Because I work, the time with my children is very valuable and I try to make the most of our time together. So don't judge me, lady at the park. I would gladly let you walk a mile in my shoes because it isn't easy most of the time living my life, but I wouldn't change it. I do what I do for many reasons unknown to you. And, let's hope that we never cross paths again...or I might just ask you if you breastfed your babies.