Positive and Negative

You’ll probably learn more about me from this post if you don’t know me in real life, because most of the time I post about the girls, but this one is mostly about me:

I'm so tired of sitting in front of a computer all day for my career. So tired of it! That's not me at all.

For the last week, I have been asking myself how I got here and why I am doing what I do for my career. I guess I am having a mid-career crisis. I work in PR, and I got a BS degree in it from the 3rd best school in the nation that offers it as its own degree. I’ve never been happy in my career. Well, maybe once or twice. It’s easy for me, and I’m bored with it now at the middle level. I’m tired of the office, the computer, and my darn BlackBerry tying me down. Is it summer fever? I don’t think so because I’ve felt this way for a while now.

While deciding on majors for college, it was a tough choice for me. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I like working with people and I like helping people - those were the two things that I knew. Two options that I was considering for a career were PR and PT. Public Relations and Physical Therapy. I have wondered since graduating college why PR is called what it is in the industry that I work in. I have the PR title, but I am NEVER working with the public. I never have in my field. Ever. Sometimes I feel like I was misled or that maybe I just chose the wrong industry to do it in, or hell, maybe I am just naïve. I’m bored. Could do this in my sleep. Really don’t want to climb up the ladder anymore because it could be way too stressful.

So enter PT. That was my second career choice, and it would have been a different college that I would have attended. It wasn’t what I ended up choosing. For the last week I have been drawn to this career far too much and have been thinking about it way too much. I’ve been thinking about how I could get there. And then I feel overwhelmed. I want to help people, because seriously, I love people and interacting with them and helping them in some way. You probably never knew that I worked at a retirement home once and worked with those that were very much declining in health. Sure, I served them food, but when some people saw me they would light up because I, unlike others, would ask them how they were and would have conversations with them. If they had a request, I made sure it was taken care of. I give personal attention, and I like to make people happy and feel better about themselves, too. I often felt I was helping them, and that made me feel good inside. That feeling I once had about my work has taken over most of my thoughts and wanting to get back to that place. I’m tired of going home empty at the end of the day with no said accomplishment.

That place is out of reach, I feel. To do PT, I would have to go back to school. Now, if I only wanted to be an assistant, it wouldn’t take that long to get a certificate for that. The pay? It’s not much. I’d want to get the PT degree. And what would I really want to do with it? Be an inhome pediciatric PT. Gosh, I would love that. Especially when the girls start school, then I could be home with them in the afternoon after school if I wished. So, it really is out of reach, because how do I continue to work full time, go to school, and spend time with my family? I feel like I don’t spend enough time with my family as it is. I can’t quit my job. I bet some of the classes are also only offered during the day. I understand why you would need schooling for it, but I wish it wasn’t a requirement. I’m so stumped. I guess everyone can have dreams, right?

I suppose you’re asking why I never chose to go to school for that in the first place. Not sure, really. All I know is that if I hadn’t chose the path that I did end up taking, I never would have met Josh, and I never would have had my two beautiful girls. Things tend to happen for a reason that way…and I wouldn’t change that. I just want a career change, not a family change.