Current Events and a Blast From the Past

We had a small celebration for Olivia's birthday this weekend. I think I learned that:

1) Every one year old is cranky when they get that cake in front of them and are sung the birthday song.

2) The one year mark is so hard. Bye-bye baby, hello toddlerdom.

Anyway, take a looksee...






Also, last weekend when the weather was a beautiful 70 degrees, we took the girls to the zoo. Because we had so much fun and it was just a place for Bea to run loose, we got a membership. Directly below these photos are a couple that we took approximately one year ago, right before Olivia was born, when we took Bea to the same zoo. How they look so much the same...only my girl has grown one year older.







And from one year ago...

Happy 1st Birthday, Olivia!

Dear Olivia,

Happy birthday, sunshine! I honestly don't have many words for today. But at about 8:20 am, one year ago, you were born. You are such a bright soul, so happy, full of mischief, and all-wondering.

When I walk into the room, you light up so incredibly so much. You could say that you brighten up everyone's life that you enter.

I have no words...for my love for you is so much greater than that.

I made you the video below of your first year of life, and in our family...we love you so very much. Happy birthday, little sweet Livey.

Love,
Mama



Both songs are from Elizabeth Mitchell's "You are My Flower" release.

How Motherhood Changed Me - Part I

I never could have imagined how becoming a mother might change my life in so many ways. I wanted to have children for so long, and in such a short amount of time, I had two. My opinion is that there is never a perfect time to have a baby. You're never ready, no matter if you think you really are. There are so many obstacles, so many changes to overcome. My life was definitely turned upside-down, and I have to say, it is so much better now than ever before. Before I had Bea and Olivia, I didn't think my life would change as much as it has. Three points in case being:

Sleep. I loved my sleep so much. I used to get at least 8 hours of it a night, and sometimes a nap. Maybe I was completely oblivious, but I thought that when you had a baby they instantly slept a full eight hours a night and knew the difference between night and day. Of course, I was in for a very rude awakening with Bea. With Olivia, I knew what I was in for and it was so much easier. But, oh my gosh, I never expected to get as little sleep as I have the past couple of years. And the weird thing about it all? It's no big deal. Well, it isn't anymore. It took a long time to adjust, and still some nights when I am awoken by one of the girls, it is so hard, but not as hard as a baby who is completely awake and needs to be fed and then getting that baby back to sleep. I've learned to live with it, and it's not too bad. I tend to feel more tired if I'm not awoken by one of them. Also, even though I hate to do it, I know I can function off of three hours a sleep a night. I've been there. I've done that. I don't like doing it, but sometimes it does happen. I also know that someday I will get my sleep again.

Limited Alcohol. This goes in part with the whole sleeping thing. Even a glass of wine makes me so tired. If I know I am going to have to wake up in the middle of the night for a child, it makes it that much harder to get up. And it also makes me so much more tired the next day. I know that soon I'll feel better about that and will enjoy the occasional cocktail in the evening, but for now, drinking is reserved for when the girls are spending the night elsewhere.

Sliding Friendships. A lot of my friendships are no longer. I've said it before and I will say it again. Sometimes people just don't understand how much time a family can take out of you. I'm not saying that all the people I know that don't have kids are like this. I still have some of those that I talk to all the time and see now and then, that do understand and know what I am feeling. But, there are those that don't. And those are pretty much gone, unfortunately, as it is too hard for me to make the effort anymore. I have often felt that until those people do have kids, then they will understand what I have been going through. And, if they really knew what I was going through with all the post partum stuff and trying to figure things out and being responsible for these little beings, that they would understand more. But, I've given up on some of them, and I am pretty sad about that. I am grateful for the people that are still in my life and who still reach out, even if I don't have the time to do it myself. Thanks, friends.

Part I - Complete. I love being a mom, and I like mostly how it's changed me. I am still the same for the most part. I mean, who would really want to give up this on Saturday and Sunday mornings:

Happy Valentine's Day

I hope that yours was good. Just another day over here. Here are some pics of the girls from today:

Seriously, Give Us a BREAK!

Remember not too long ago when I was going to write this post about “why us” and then decided against it? Well, I have had it. HAD IT! I am just plain mad and upset about a lot of things right now. The top one on my list? Everyone in our house is SICK:

Josh
Scratchy throat, possible sinus infection

Me
Got cold again, what feels like the same one and FINALLY starting to feel better.

Olivia
Still getting over her ear infection, and I have the fabulous task of giving her the medication in the morning. She is so tired of taking it now that she spit it at me (in my face!) this morning.

Bea
Croup is back with a fever. Yesterday was her LAST day of pneumonia antibiotics. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Oh, and let’s not forget the cats, who we had to take to the vet this weekend for just a small fee of $275:

Tiger
Eye infection – eye medication three times a day for 10 – 14 days.

Moo
Her “this time of the year allergy” where she pulls out her hair and has a fat lip and needed her annual steroid shot.

I’m SO tired of this. So tired. But most importantly I want to find out if Bea doesn’t have an underlying problem, and it’s something that we are getting to the root of now. I pray that everything is ok. It just can’t be any fun living half your life sick, which she pretty much has. She’s probably been out of daycare more than she’s been there this month, but we still have to pay for it when she is not there…just incredible. I’m not asking for sympathy or anything like that. I just need to let this all out. And now I’m done.

And in case you missed it, Bea’s 2 year one month letter is below…it quickly got pushed down because I wanted to rant.

Beatrice at 2 Years, 1 Month

Dear Beatrice,

You are now over two years old...two years and one month old, to be precise. You've changed a lot over the last couple of months, and you are beginning to become your own person, with her own opinion, showing interest in new things every single day.


How I have longed for you to become somewhat girly because for most of your life you have been quite neutral on that front. You have an interest in both girl and boy activities, but you prefer jeans and t-shirts to dresses. This last month has seen a change in that aspect, in just a very small way. You've watched me many a time put on lotion after a shower, but you recently noticed the interesting container of my body butter and wondering just what it is and why it feels that way and what you do with it. For the last week and a half, you ask for lotion after your bath, and sometimes before it. Sometimes you would rather skip the bath part and go straight to the lotion. You love the smelly part of it and lathering it over your body. Most often I have to cut you off because you are covered head to toe in it. You used to get mad when I told you that that was enough lotion, but now we say goodbye to the lotion, put it back where it goes, and know that tomorrow night we will use it again. It's fun to have this with you...and having this interest with you.


Additionally, you have taken very close watch on your sister. You feel as if you are her guardian, her mom so to speak. You are always aware of where she is and what she's doing. You also monitor everything she has. If she has something that you think she shouldn't have, you take it away from her. Sometimes you tell her no. I'm not sure if I am seeing the bossy side of my Beatrice, or the Beatrice that cares so much about her sister that she wants to guide her through the world. I have gotten upset at you when you take away things that she can have - they're just toys and ones you have not had an interest in for some time. I tell you to give the toy back to her, and most of the time you do. More than anything, I do like you looking out for her. You've shown me the caring side of yourself, and I hope that you care for her like that for the rest of your life.

The things that are coming out of your mouth these days are incredible. We often can't stop you from talking. Your words are now forming sentences. In the last couple of weeks, you have asked me "What's that, Mama?" a couple of times. You're so curious. You want to know about everything, learn everything and show everybody how much you know. I am sure the "Why?" is soon to follow. Today you said your ABC's all the way through, and you are now counting beyond ten in English and Spanish. You are amazing, little girl, and so incredibly smart. I can't even believe what I am hearing sometimes. And, oh the mimicking...I'll leave it at that.


Getting you to bed has become somewhat easier. On the nights when you don't want to go to bed, you play out a number of different scenarios to try to put it off. It's the missing Bow-wow, the missing Sally, the owie, wanting more buh-buh, where is daddy, where is Olivia. And sometimes you just crash out from exhaustion. And sometimes, oh sometimes, I just want to stay in your room and hang out with you as I will just keep going in to check on you, kiss you goodnight one more time and see if you need anything.

You were sick a lot over the last month - first croup, then a cold and then a case of mild pneumonia. It wasn't easy for any of us, as the whole family was sick with something. Some nights you would throw up from all of the congestion and I would go running into your room with bucket in hand. One night I got lucky and actually caught half of it, and you seemed to know what to do with the bucket. But, oh the amount of laundry that was done endlessly this month. Baby girl, it was worth it, and to make sure your blankie was always clean when you weren't feeling well. When it was obvious that you were not feeling well one night, I felt like rocking you to sleep like when you were a baby. Instead, I laid next to your bed, ran my hand through your hair numerous times, and told you I loved you over and over again. I asked you if you were ok, and in your sweet voice you said, "yeah, am ok mama." I asked if you were sure and you said, "yeah". I asked if you needed anything and you said, "no". Then I said, "if you need anything, anything at all, you come get me, ok?" and you said, "yes, mama". You didn't that night...it was the turning point of feeling better.


I always want you to be okay, well better than okay. I worry about you constantly. I want you to be well. I want you to be happy. I think you're happy for the most part, but I hope we get to feeling well again. You're so much fun to be around these days, and I am loving every moment of it. And I love you so very much...

Love,
Mama

Girl's Night Out

Last week I had the pleasure of going to a girl’s night out…

But when I thought about it, it felt wrong for two reasons:

1) I was going to leave Josh at home with two girls who might be cranky
2) Bea and Olivia are girls, too, right?

Anyway, I had made the decision to take one of the girls with me. If you’re thinking that this was a bar-hopping, liquor drinking night out, that’s not where I’m at anymore. We’re talking dinner – at the mall. Not in the food court, but at CPK.

Choosing which girl was the hardest part. One was cranky from not enough naptime and the other just wanted to spend time with her dad. I chose the one that wanted to spend time with her dad: Bea. Anyway, she was very entertaining…shy, at first, but once she sat over on their side of the booth, it was like partytime for her. She felt like one of mama’s friends, I think, and was hamming it up.

After dinner we strolled around the mall. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a horror for those indoor children playgrounds at the mall. Have you seen those on the weekend? So many kids packed into one little area – a breeding ground for germs. We avoid them at all costs. In any case, we made our way to the one at this mall, and there were only about 5 kids there. I gave Bea the go ahead, and thanks to my friends, we had Purrell on-hand for afterward.

As the night drew to a close (at about 8:30 PM – hey, it was a weeknight and her bedtime!), we said our goodbyes inside the mall. It was a very fun evening for us, especially for a weeknight, and we went home to Olivia going to bed for the night. It was just nice to get out.

So, I am just wondering if my fear of those mall playgrounds came true for our child…because she started not feeling well the next day. Croup. Then mild pneumonia. She is finally on the upswing. At least she had a grand ole time before she started not feeling well.

Thank You, Uncle Todd (and V)!

We went to Target today, and as we were looking around at some things I got distracted. Little did I know that Bea grabbed "Sally" while I was holding her. I heard her making lovey noises as she hugged this toy and looked down and noticed what she was holding. She has been very much into the movie "Cars" lately, and Sally is the girl car. She's a porsche, a pretty blue one. So I asked her if she wanted Sally and she said yes. Then I thought to myself, my daughter has a Porsche before I have had one!

Sally is her new favorite stuffed toy. And while it won't replace her bow-wows, it is very special to her right now, and I am sure it will be for quite a while. I am sure that tonight she won't go to sleep without it. So, thank you Todd and V. She loves her gift. Here she is with Sally:



And on a different note, I am sad to report that both girls are sick. Olivia has a bad cold and Bea, well she has mild pneumonia. It's been hard. They both started with the croup earlier this week and Bea took a turn for the worse yesterday. Last night I wanted to write a post because I was so mad that my family is sick all the time. I had it all planned out, especially when my father-in-law brought my child to me in state that I have not seen her in before - as she clung to me and was so happy to be home I was ready to cry. After being home for a while, she snapped out of her state. I still wanted to write that post, but I was too tired. This morning we took her back to the doctor for her second round of a shot antibiotic. As I looked around the waiting room and saw all of the other children with probably the same thing, I noticed something different about Bea (and Olivia, too) from the other children. While those kids clung to their parents, my children were laughing, playing and trying to entertain the others. Though they don't feel well, I am happy that they can still keep their sunny dispositions through it all. Then I thought that it could be worse...though, I don't wish that on us, or anyone. As I think of what this night might entail, I pray that Bea will not choke in her sleep (as she has the past two nights) and proceeded to vomit all over the place. We could all use a little bit of sleep around here.

I have looked closely at my children the last couple of days and find myself so happy and so in love with them. I just want them to be well.

Because I have no time...

Here's a semi-recent picture of the girls together...



Have a great weekend.