Reality

The thought of losing one of our children has never once crossed my mind. I don't like thinking of things that can be so incredibly painful. Yesterday evening my life seemed to play out like a scene that you might see in a movie, but this was my life. While everything turned out fine, I have to wonder if some of the decisions I made were the right ones, because in a situation of pure panic and terror it is hard to think logically:

Last night I had to call 911...

It was a normal evening, at least as normal as it gets around our house these days. We were figuring out dinner and realized we needed a few things at the store. So Josh took Bea with him, and Olivia and I hung out at the house. It's been hotter than hell, and the house wasn't cool at all, so I took Olivia in front of our window AC so that she could cool off. She was hungry so I fed her. I picked her up to burp her and she didn't feel right for some odd reason. She burped. She then threw up. At first I just thought it was spit up and maybe she ate too quickly. No, she threw up some more. I turned her to face me and saw that it was coming out of her nose as well as her mouth. She was crying a little, but I could tell she was having a hard time breathing. She definitely didn't look good. I wiped her up a little, but it was still coming out of her nose. Then I looked in her mouth and saw that it had been overtaken by some clear goopy junk which I still don't know what exactly it was. Seeing that she was having a hard time breathing, I moved her into our bedroom and ran as fast as I could to get the syringe to try to clear her nose. I suctioned. Nothing came out. She started crying and looked like she was choking. I turned her on her side and started patting her back. I looked at her and she looked at me, then her eyes rolled to the back of her head. That is when I freaked out. I grabbed her and looked for the phone - I was going to call Josh. He didn't take his cell phone because I saw it sitting on the table. Then, it seemed like he had been gone a long time so I thought he would be back any second so I wanted to meet him in the driveway. I ran out of the house with Olivia. No minivan. No Josh. No Bea. I'm crying hysterically. Olivia's eyes are rolling and her body is going limp. I ran to my next door neighbors house and yelled for her. She came out and I screamed at her to call 911, that something was wrong with my baby.

I have never been so terrified in all my life. I felt like I was having an out of body experience watching this all take place. Through my tears I am telling Olivia to "hold on" and "stay awake" and that "help will be here soon." And also "I love you baby girl" and "don't leave me." I'm not sure how long it had been, but I'm sure it couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes that I saw Josh coming down the street. He saw me hysterical and jumped out of the car and grabbed her. While I'm on the phone at my neighbors with 911, he took her back into our house. The firemen and paramedics rolled up about a minute later. As soon as the 911 operator finally let me off the phone (I keep hearing her saying "do not perform CPR...do not perform CPR...do not stick anything in her mouth") I ran to our house.

She was fine.

While the professionals didn't know what exactly was wrong with her, they did say that things like this happen with the heat being like it is. It could have been a small seizure due to the heat, but nothing serious since she was fine. It couldn't have been pleasant having throw up come out your nose either, and that might have just made the situation worse. They said to just try to keep her cool. No guarantee that it won't happen again, but if it does then we need to keep her in a cool place and strip off her clothing. They said don't hesitate in calling if it did happen.

Our neighbors were great. Another couple actually took Bea off our hands for an hour so that we could observe and hang out with Olivia. She was back to herself in no time, but of course, I just couldn't stop crying. I was so happy that she was okay but I was still upset over the fact that I felt I could have lost her. Maybe I overreacted, but in my heart, I don't think I did. Before she fell asleep last night I told her how much I love her and that I was so happy she was here...And now I understand why parents worry about their children when they think something might be wrong with them. Just the thought of them not being there anymore feels like someone is taking your heart out and ripping it to shreds. There's no worse feeling in the world, really.

I'm so happy that she is okay...and DAMN this heat. Go away already!