The Mutha of All Updates

I've been DYING to post all day...so many updates. If I could put in a really long title for the post it would be "Bed Dilemma: SOLVED + Malignant Murmur + Potty Training #2 Kid: COMPLETE". Do you see where I am going with this post?

First off, Josh and I took Bea to the specialist this morning. Absolutely fantastic doctor who spent nearly an hour with us. They ran an EKG and also did a very thorough ultrasound on Bea. She was pretty cooperative throughout the whole thing. He asked us a lot of questions to get some history, etc., and also put my mind at ease about the whole heart murmur thing. It's more common than I realized, and the whole association of doctors somewhere are trying to make people see that this isn't an issue as so many people have it. The same thing goes with mitral valve prolapse. So common, indeed. Not to worry. Yada yada yada. In fact, did you know that doctors everywhere are trying to downgrade it to not make it seem so serious and be a cause for concern? You now don't need to take medication before seeing the dentist or have that extra antibiotic IV. They've somehow proved it is not needed. In any case, there is no need to worry about Bea unless we see a drop in her activity level. A generally happy child who has so much activity and is always running around is of no concern. Her murmur is possibly a result of her being sick, it could come and go, and if we take her to urgent care they might point it out. But again, there is really nothing to be concerned about. I'm relieved. So RELIEVED. Whew. Here's my happy kid:


The bed. What is going on with the bed situation, you ask? Well, I went back to the store last weekend and tried to do some more negotiations. They wouldn't budge. The set was already 20% off, so they couldn't come down anymore, nor sell the floor model. You had to order it, and it takes approximately eight weeks. Ugh. But, they did say you could pay half up front and pay the other half when it came in, which wouldn't be too bad. We just couldn't justify it. And, Josh also went in one more time to look at it and said the quality just wasn't there for that price. At that point, Josh said he would probably build something like it. But, in the end, projects around here end up taking a long time and with the girls around it would take double time (more likely more than eight weeks). So, we were really out of options. Then, taking some of the comment advice, I decided to look at the IKEA website. It looked like we could do something nice for them and quickly. I had decided to just do two beds side by side, but then we found something else.

We took a trip to IKEA on Sunday. I heart IKEA now. We spent two hours there - with the girls! I didn't realize how kid-friendly a store it is, and the children's section is pretty lavish. And things are relatively cheap. The only thing that stinks is that you put it together yourself. So, on Sunday from about four to eight we put together two beds, and you will see from the photos that we actually do have a very similar setup to the bed set that I wanted. All in all, we spent half of what we would have if we got that other set, but we also got mattresses and bedding, too. I let the girls pick out their new bed sheets which are not in these photos because they were still being washed. Olivia of course picked a sea creature theme because it was so Nemo-ish, and Bea picked the bubble setup (You can see that in her photo above). The result is that we have at least a blue theme for the room now. Oh, and take a look at those $5 fish rugs I got at IKEA also. LOVE THEM.

Here is a before photo of the room:


And after:


It finally looks like a real kids room!!! This picture doesn't do the room justice at all. I will definitely take more pictures with their bed sheets and post them. Also, those walls look so white now, so a paint job is in order as well as few additional items to make it perfect in my eyes. Once I get it done, I will of course post more photos. Also, the small ladder is not posing a problem for Bea at all. Thank goodness.

Ok, last update: Olivia is now potty trained except for when she's sleeping at night. She only had one accident over the entire weekend. Also, when we were at IKEA, she went in the little potty there twice. I am SO PROUD of her. We were going to try to get her to this point by the end of summer, but we are well ahead of schedule. No diapers are in our near future. Here she is...not so much a baby anymore:

Maybe Monday

I received an urgent note yesterday at about nine in the morning from Josh saying “BEA’S APPOINTMENT IS NOT TODAY, IT IS TOMORROW!” So, we had one more day to wait and I took her in today. There’s still a murmur there, but the doctor said that it is more faint than it was last week. He also mentioned that he pays special attention to the heart in all his examinations. Since it was never there before and is still there slightly, he wants to go a level deeper and have us see a specialist. He referred us to a pediatric cardiologist that he recommends highly (I also googled this doctor’s name to try to find out something, and boy, he’s been in the paper because he is supposedly the awesome awesomist pediatric cardiologist). He said it might be difficult to get an appointment, but when I called, they are wide open on Monday. I’ll be taking her in the morning for a full round of questions, an EKG and an ultrasound.

Though it may seem like I am trudging along and oh so blah about this, I feel like everything is going to be okay and that we are getting the best help possible. And, I also learned today that for Bea’s sake, I need to stay positive. When the doctor was listening to her heart, she kept looking up and smiling at me. When he said, “well, the heart murmur is still there, but it’s faint” my heart sunk, but I didn’t make a big deal of it. And as she asked me “why” we were going to the doctor, I just kept telling her “oh, the doctor just wants to listen to the thump, thump, thump of your heart, that’s all.” When I took her back to daycare and she jumped out of the car, I told her that I wanted to give her a hug and she ran up to me, threw her arms around me, and squeezed me harder than she ever has. I squeezed back. Then, after what seemed like a long moment between us, she said, “mom, you’re hugging me too hard.” Sometimes I feel like these times that feel sorta scary actually bring us closer.

I’ll let you know how things go on Monday, but whatever the outcome, I think it’s gonna be allright.

Bearing A Burden

I have to get something off my chest. I've been keeping some built up stress for days now, and I want to say something, and yet I also want to keep it to myself. I think that the only way I will feel better is if I do just open up because it will make me feel better.

Only a close circle of friends and some of my family know that I've grown up with a heart murmur. I have mitral valve prolapse, a not so serious condition with my heart. I'm not going to go in depth about it. If you want to find out more, please google it. I have been fine most of my life with having this condition, but in the back of my head I have always had a fear about it. While taking my physical for high school a doctor had discovered it, and I've had it ever since. They claimed I would outgrow it, but I never did.

Sometimes I live in complete fear just knowing I have a murmur. There are some things that will never be normal in my life. I get heart palpitations. I get pain in my chest that scares the daylights out of me. I have to take medicine before going to the dentist. I must always have an extra IV for surgery. I could never have a natural birth without an extra IV attached. My hands and feet are often cold as a result of blood backflow. I have panic attacks at times when I fear that I might just be having a heart attack. I find myself probably once a year at urgent care because I fear that my heart is going to burst or stop and make them give an EKG just so that I can have piece of mind. I don't like to live like this, yet I have lived this life for quite a while now. It's not going to end, even though they said it could leave at anytime. But everytime the doctor listens to my heart, it is still there.

I wouldn't be talking about this or telling you this if something hadn't happened that is greatly affecting me. Bea was really sick last week, and she had gotten another sinus infection. The doctor listened to her heart, and he found a murmur. When Josh told me this, I thought that he had to be kidding. It's not supposed to be hereditary, yet I feel like this was my doing. I've read so much information about murmurs online, and typically it is common in children. Or, they can get them when they're sick. But, they never picked up on one before. I'm not sure what to believe. They told me I would outgrow mine, and I didn't, so how am I to believe this will be the case for her?

I've probably written this so many times now, but I want my children to be happy and healthy and safe, as do all parents. I feel helpless. I can't prevent this from happening. I can't keep her safe from it. It's heartwrenching. I've cried a lot of tears over the last couple of days just hoping that it is going to be nothing. And, yes, I know deep down that there are so many worse things than this. If it were something worse, I would feel exactly the same. This is my child. I want her to grow up healthy. This Thursday I will be escorting her to the doctor, where all of my fears will be totally realized, or this will just be something that got me all worked up, crying way too many tears, for absolutely no reason. Expect the worst, hope for the best...it is all I can think about right now.

While my life has been relatively good in all other aspects, this is the one thing that I wish I could live my life without. I don't want my child to live her life with this. I want her to live the best life possible, and not have the fear that I have if this does become a realization. I just want everything to be okay.

It's About the Bed Again

This whole bed situation has been quite the question mark all week long. I am thankful for everyone’s comments, so I would like to give you what I have for an update.

Unbeknownst to me, my husband went back to the furniture store. Nope, he wasn’t surprising us by buying it. What happened is that he went in, said “I will offer you $800 on the floor model out the door right now.” They said no can do. But, he also said it looked like they thought about it a little bit. Pondered it. The person he talked to was not the store manager so she was possibly making her own judgment call that she just could get in trouble for that. The unfortunate thing is that they just received that floor model (likely the week before we saw it) and plan to keep it onboard for quite a while longer. Also, would you believe that the bed is ALREADY marked down $400 bucks? And, yes, this is true and not some salesman tactic. I’ve looked online everywhere this bed is sold, and you cannot find it for under $1900. So, to continue the story of the bargaining, he left and told me about it when I got home. At which time I asked “you didn’t ask them what their BEST OFFER was?” He didn’t. Well, because they were not giving up that floor model so really what was the point?

All week we have been going back and forth about what to do on this bed. We almost got to the point of let’s just go buy the darn thing and be done with it. And, if it weren’t for taxes sucker punching us a bit, it would be all the more easy to say yes to this. But, then I think, do I really want to pay full price for anything these days? Gas is really the only thing you can’t seem to bargain on, but everything else is quite negotiable. But, again, it is already marked down.

I wonder if Josh keeps showing up that they realize he really wants it. But, then again, they could use that to their advantage. He’s gone this weekend. His mom offered to watch the girls for a little while tomorrow. I think I might go in there and ask them what their best offer is, floor model or not. I’ll see what it is and tell them if they throw in mattresses I will pay right then and there. Aren’t you just at the edge of your seat for how this one ends? Well, I am. Now the girls beg to sleep in OUR bed, and because Josh is gone, I told them they could tonight. Which means I might end up in the toddler bed or the couch if I get kicked and swatted too much.

Stay tuned as I will likely have a new update soon (and then we can move on to something else. Yes, that would be nice.)

Good Intentions

"Merrily we roll along, roll along, roll along..." Sweet voices sing songs on the two-minute trip to daycare. Happy as clams, they sing and clap in their matching car seats. Pulling up to daycare is no different than any other day. Bea hops out first and comes through the driver side door and she runs up to the front door and begins knocking to be let in. I pull Olivia out as normal and after she demands "I walk", I put her down and she runs up to the door and knocks along with her sister.

As we enter the front room, the girls are still all smiles and full of laughter. Winston is there. The girls love this little caged cocktail that seems a little frightened of all the little faces around it. But, he somehow pulls through the situation with ease. The girls are yelling "MOMMY SEE WINSTON??? DO YOU SEE HIM??? HE'S HAPPY!!!!" I acknowledge Winston and go to sign the girls in.

Out of the back room comes another one of the girls from daycare who we'll call Betty. She is about a year and a half older than Bea. Betty is bossy at times, loveable at others. She has a thing with Bea where she is either very nice to her or very mean and bossy. It looked as if today was going to be a nice day, and Betty comes running up to Bea and the following conversation takes place:

Betty screeches: HI BEA!!! GUESS WHAT????
Bea states in monotone: Hi Betty. What?
Betty: You won't believe this, but I lost my ring!!!
Bea: Oh (Bea had lost her necklace the day before so it is a mystery all of this missing jewelry or if Betty is being a copycat.)
Betty: Are you gonna help me find it?
Bea: Um
Betty: Bea, you gotta help me find it!!!
Bea: What? Your ring?
Betty: Yes, my ring!

Then, wonder of all wonders, Bea puts on a smile like I have never seen because it looked so fake but also sincere at the same time, and she says, "I'm sorry to hear about your ring, Betty. Maybe you can get a new one?"

The whole time she is acting nice and saying the right words. As soon as that conversation ends, Bea runs over to me and grabs my leg. I go down to her level to give her a hug and kiss her goodbye. She pulls my hair over my ear and comes in close to whisper, "Mama, I do NOT want to talk or play with BETTY." Did she really just...nah, not Bea. Oh, but she did. She really did. So I tell her that's okay, and that she can play with the other kids, but to always be nice to everyone.

I'd like to think that everyone in this world could just get along. But, you know me, I am always living in that dream world. As adults, of course there are people that we don't necessarily get along with, but we have to be nice because we work with these people or they know someone that knows someone that knows so-and-so. But, did you ever think that a three year old could put on this, I'm not even sure what to call it, fake face? Happy face? I-don't-like-you-but-I'm-gonna-be-nice-to-you-face? Believe it. I've seen it live.

Talk about learning early. Who did she learn this from? Serious pats on the back for whoever it was, because seriously, she could have whacked her on the head Olivia-style and yelled "I DON'T WANNA PLAY WITH YOU!"

The Bed Dilemma

Okay, so we have a little bit of a bed situation that we need to figure out and I need some advice. Bea is still in her toddler bed. Olivia is still in her crib, believe it or not. Olivia is ready to upgrade but still is mostly content in the crib (at over two years of age, I don't get this at all). Now and again she will lie in her sister's bed hoping that it will be hers.

The problem is that we are very limited on space and the girls share a room. The toddler bed and a crib fit okay in there. But, if you add a single size bed with the toddler bed, the room is going to be cramped. We have looked at bunk beds, but at this stage in the game, I think Bea would be frightened being at the top bunk and too scared to get down in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. So, enter this lovely little number:


I saw this bed at a kid store a few weekends ago. Actually, the girls found it because they absolutely loved the stairs. I love that the bunk is low and that there is storage in each of the stairs and plenty more in the front. The problem is that thing costs about $1500 and that doesn't include mattresses. There also seems to be only one maker of a bed like this, so I don't know what to do. It would accomodate our space well, and the girls would love it. I'm wondering if the price is negotiable (yeah, right), or if it might even be possible to ask if I could buy the floor model at a reduced price. Has anyone tried anything like that before?

Or, maybe there are other ideas out there for two kids in one small room? I'm open to anything at this point as Bea wants a new bed, and we have been promising one for over a month now.

Getting On My Own Nerves

1. I am finding my web site stats totally interesting lately. Things that were just a moment in time are out there, and searchable, forever. Well, unless I delete them from my blog. Speaking of, I am totally irked again with GOOGLE and that the images that I upload to my blog are put out there publicly on Google Images. No where does it say this or has asked me permission to do so. There is one photo that I have now deleted off my blog because people were coming to it by searching for something, in which I am unaware of the exact search terms, but it led me to believe that there are some people that are a little bit off out there. Not good people. Possibly very sick people. I am considering taking my blog elsewhere. Don’t get me wrong, I know that because there are photos on my blog, that they are already public, but it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach knowing that people are actually searching for things they shouldn’t be searching for, and finding them in a place where I didn’t agree to put them. Before those guys from Blogger sold themselves out to Google, I never had an issue. Enough of that. When people search “chinesse calendar” and “kidney stone”, my blog will pop up in the search results every time. And, no, I haven’t made a typo as they are spelling Chinese like this: chinesse.

2. In just this last week, I have realized how far I have come in my career. I never thought I would be advising people on strategy and saying things to others that I have heard so often myself like “too many cooks in the kitchen”. I’ve said it now. I hope that doesn’t make me one of “those” people. I’ve also realized there are portions of my job that I never want to do again, but I’ll do them in this position because they are only section of what I’m doing.

3. I feel like there is a newborn in my house, even though everyone is over the age of two. In the last two nights, each kid has been up in the middle of the night with major crankiness and not wanting to go back to sleep. Eight hours of sleep for two nights? No problem. You’d think I would be more tired, but I guess I’m just used to this even though, gawd, I wish it weren’t happening.

4. Will I always have mommy brain? I am beginning to feel like there is a hole in my brain. I forget so much. I don’t know how I manage to keep it together most of the time. As an example, I think to myself that I need to do a search on xyz. I immediately go to a search engine. And then I immediately forget what I was going to search. Yes, it is that bad. And I need to check my hair straightener about five times before I leave the house to make sure it is unplugged. Then, when I am driving down the street I STILL CAN’T remember. Sheesh. Does Ginkoba really work? I think I might try it.

5. Book update? Query has been started. Yeah, me!

6. Don’t get me started on the housing market meltdown. I wish that the government would give those of us who bought at the height of it all (US!US!US!) some kind of break. For example, let’s say that you made all of your mortgage payments on time for the last three years (US!US!US!), that you could, um, let’s say upgrade to a larger home while keeping your same percentage rate. A girl can dream, can’t she (about double sinks, a fireplace, granite counters, a master bedroom…)?

The Flavor of the Month - April

I thought it would be interesting to track what the girls are interested in, maybe on a quarterly basis. Monthly might be a little too much (and knowing me, I might not remember), but I'll give it a shot. I find it very assuming how often their interests change, and while they just love something to pieces one day, the next day you better not mention it. Okay, here we go:

Olivia
Movie: Um, hello. FINDING NEMO. Don’t mess with Nemo around this one. (Cars has only been watched once over the last month)
Cartoon: Dora (but it has to be an epi with the BABIES)
Spot: Little couch (“MY SPOT!”)
Foods: Spaghetti, grapes, corn, peas, hot dogs, eggs
Toy: Tie between all her babies and her Nemo stuffies; oh, and beat up bun-buns. I’ll have to post a photo on this.
Shoes: Her butterfly sandals
Pajamas: Froggy PJs
Word/Phrase: See! See that?
Timeouts: Avg. of three per day

Beatrice
Movie: 101 Dalmations, but not too picky on movies these days
Cartoon: Dragon Tales
Spot: The L in the big couch
Foods: Hot dogs, strawberries, popcorn, noodles, bacon, eggs
Toy: Her two little bunnies from Happy Meals so long ago; all the coloring books and crayons, too.
Shoes: Pink polka dot semi-sandals
Pajamas: The popcorn nightgown that creates real invisible popcorn
Word/Phrase: Best friend. As in “you’re my best friend” or “you’re not my best friend anymore” or “that’s okay, you’re still my best friend”.
Timeouts: Maybe one over the last month

Sidenote: Congrats to Jenn and family at My Life in a Nutshell on their second son. He's a handsome little fellow.

Beatrice - Circa Before This Blog

I just noticed I had all of these photos from what seems like a LONG time ago on my computer, and well, those were before the days of this here blog (I am almost at two years already, whew!)....Anyway, enjoy...

5 Meanderings From 5 Days Past

1. We saw two sets of friends this last weekend and had a great time. I even got to go get a mani/pedi with one of them! Drank some wine with the other while the girls played with their daughter. It was fun times. I almost forgot I had to go away for work.

2. My workplace took me down to the LA area for the last few days, in which I decided that I definitely don’t want to be doing what I’m doing for more than five more years.

3. Southwest’s line up system is a little annoying. Why don’t they just assign seats in the order that you check in already? I wasn’t the only one saying under my breath that I feel like I am back in elementary school while everyone made an attempt to line up in number order. Do they actually think that all adults will follow this system? And also, do you think an employee would call someone out for being out of order? Me either. While it’s nice and all that you get to choose your seat, it’s not great when you’re in one of two rows that ends up with someone in the middle seat who has gas the entire flight. No, I wasn’t a “C”, but I was a “B” and on the aisle. Talk about unfair.

4. It actually IS possible that you could have to go to three different copy places in order to get the correct services done. And they will all be something like 20 miles away from each other (at least that is what it felt like). And then at 9:30pm when you’d rather be at home (or in hotel room) watching Dancing with the Stars, you decide that it will take more than a half hour to get back to the hotel, and look, there’s a Chili’s right across the street from the copy place. I’ll just go dine alone while everyone stares at me and wonders why I am dining alone. Wait a minute, I wore my tradeshow exhibitor badge. They know. Do they also see the Big “L” on my forehead?

5. Does Google Maps freak anyone else out? I cannot be the only one. When I punch in my home address now, up pops my house. Well, it's actually my street. You have to scan down the street a little to get my house. But, from the view you can get, it almost feels like I am standing in the middle of my street looking straight into my driveway. It creeps me out. Really.