Almost Heartwrenching

I've been home a week now without being employed. To keep things normal, the girls are still in daycare, for at least the time being. I'm trying to keep the routine planted in the brains of the girls, and there has been no talk to them about me not working.

This morning, I dropped the girls off just like normal. And for some reason, Bea didn't want me to go. There were tears in her eyes. Being in the position I'm in, I gladly would have had her stay home with me, but unfortunately I had a few things going on today. Then, she says, "Mommy, you have to go to work today?" I mean, what do I say to that? My response to her was "Yes." Looking for a job is work, unfortunately. And so is networking. But, dang, I felt so guilty....and even more so when she started crying. A Bea and mommy alone day is coming, that's for sure, and I promise that. This is coming from a girl who would always tell me "you have to go to work, mommy, because I have to go to daycare." Ah, I love her so much. And I do wonder if she knows our temporary situation.

Upgrades

Our house is finally on the bandwagon to new improvements (well, now that the kids are getting easier to manage, and it helps that they often play together and keep themselves more busy with each other).

Here's our new overhead light in the living room:


Also, due to our keys not exactly working in the front door, we also upgraded the lock and hardware:




Aren't they pretty? In any case, since I am home right now (just temporarily), I'm going to try to keep the momentum on some of this, even if it is that I only paint and do teeny projects. Stay tuned...

These kids aren't so new, but we'll keep grumpy and happy:

Options Open

Life is everchanging, isn't it? This last week presented a life change for me, and while trying to stay positive, it is the uncertainty that gets in the way of feeling okay about it. I've been through this before. Just once, and once is more than plenty. But, with all that has been on my mind lately, it's possible that it is a blessing in disguise. I am now unemployed...

So, what happens now? Well, for starters, I am looking for something new. What it will end up being, I'm not sure, though my feelers have been put out there already. I have to believe that it will be okay. And I say okay only because, well, money is what makes the world go round. As unfortunate as that can be, money is what allows our family to do some of the funner things in life. And maybe it is selfish for me to say, but we really like those fun things, those extra things in life that aren't a must-have, but a nice-to-have.

And while I have "some" time on my hands until something new does come along, well, a lot of my internal projects are being fast-forwarded into motion. That's good, right? I think so, but if you've ever been unemployed then you might tend to feel how I do in these sort of situations. The urgency that I must be looking for something all the time, always being productive in finding something so as not to possibly miss out on an opportunity. Even though times have changed a lot since the last time this happened to me, and job searches are a lot easier, LinkedIn works incredibly for networking, among many other things. I don't want to stress myself out this time, but I think what could end up stressing me out is the fact that last time it took a year and a half for me to find something. I'm thinking positive that something will come along very, very soon.

As for projects during this time, it's writing mostly. And this other idea that my friend D put into my head. I just don't know how to get started with that, though. In the end, I want to do what I love, and maybe in a few years I'll be there. Until then...I guess I'm kind of stuck.

On a last note, I cannot thank my family and friends enough for listening to me and saying kind words over the last few days. When you suddenly feel helpless for the situation you have been put in, it means more than any words that my family and friends are the most important part of my life and I'm so happy to have each and every one of you...

Happy 3rd Birthday, Beatrice!

Dear Beatrice,

How do I sum up the last the year of your life? There's just so much. You're no longer a baby, but a little girl. You tell me what you want and what you don't want. You don't wear diapers anymore, and don't use bottles. And you're so smart, always catching on to new things that are said and adaptable to your surroundings.

There is almost always a smile on your face, and wherever you go, you light up a room. That's the truth. I think you're the happiest child I have ever seen in my life.

I wish that I could spend every minute with you, because you see things so differently. You're not jaded, as we all tend to become as we grow older. You're trusting, you laugh, and you don't let anything get you down for more than a minute.

At three you've become more than I ever could have imagined. I've always thought of you as my baby, but you've become so much more than that. As fast as these three years have flown by, I only want to hold onto your next year even more. Because before I know it, you'll want to be on your own and do your own thing.

The hugs. The kisses. The giggles. The tickles. The "can we, please???" The "thank you". The "i love you". There are more of all of these than I could ever ask for, and yet, I can't get enough. I hold on to these things, always remembering. When you came into my life three years ago, I didn't know what I had gotten myself into, but what I have discovered is that I truly could not be as happy as I am without you in my life.

I look forward to the next year, and teaching you a whole lot more...

And, as I did for your last birthday, I made this video for you so that when you're older, you can see that you really were all of these things and so much more.

I love you,
Mama

T-Minus One Without Diapers and Counting

I know you were thinking, is she EVER going to post again? Well, yes. And in this new year I plan to post a lot more than I have in recent past months. Am I going to post ALL of my new year's resolutions? Hell, no. While I have a number of them pulled together as a list in my head, I will only share one other with you (besides the aforementioned "I promise to write more in my blog").

So, I'm writing a book. Well, I haven't exactly started writing it, but I have begun to pull together the outline and concept of it. I'm going to write the first chapter, write my query letter, and send, send, send. All in the first half of this year. Seriously, the book is already written IN MY HEAD. Done. Hold me to it. It's happening. And maybe I will post the first chapter here because I would like to know if you all would buy it or at least find it a little bit interesting, but damn, I hate harsh criticism, too.

Holidays here were good, but busy. I'll post some photos soon. I mentioned I had some time off, and well, I spent most of it in a sick-like state. We also got this super cool light for our living room (again, I will post pictures soon) as we continue the update of our home that has really needed a makeover.

Hmmm...Well, what else happened? That's right, our Bea, you know that one that is turning three years old in nine days? She's OUTTA diapers!!! I was going to tell you that she was out of diapers for about 16 hours of the day because I still was sneaking in to put one on her after she fell asleep at night. As of last night, no more! She actually got out of bed in the middle of the night to go, and this morning her bed was free and clear of any sort of puddle of wetness. The only issues we now have is that she doesn't like the adult toilet, so we are taking to the child potty accompanying us everywhere we go for the time being. The first smile? Whatever. Those first words? Eh. Walking? I'm sorry, but right now absolutely nothing is more of a milestone than not having to change sopping wet or poopy diapers (though the wiping is still a bit necessary in some cases), and having to shell out the money for them, too.

There was a little bit of scamming on our end to get her to actually start going consistently, one of which cost roughly $80 (DON'T ASK), but it is indescribable how I feel just knowing I only now have one child's diaper to change. And that one is also gung-ho about it, so I give it six months before diapers are a thing of the past for us.

Also, totally off topic, but does anyone know much about night terrors? And if they can happen more than once a night?

Hope all of your holidays were excellent, and I'm looking forward to great things for everyone in 2008. It might not be that you hear from me until Bea's birthday. I am hard at work on condensing down the last year of her life into a 3 minute video because I can't let that tradition die....

Not to keep you any longer, but my brother started his own business and I feel as though I need to tell you about it. Have you ever tasted a truffle that just melts in your mouth and you feel like you just have to have another, and then another, and one more after that, oh and why not one more? My brother has started Truffleman Chocolate and Candy Co. Seriously, check it out. I've had some. Want more. They are bites of heaven. And, ahem, Valentine's Day is fastly approaching. Not just truffles but other goodies...